In space... no one can hear you [insert word expressing mild peril here]

Grettings earthlings!

This week the smaller, gormless, geekier brother of space exploration agencies, the ESA (European Space Agency) announced that the Russian "Phobos-Grunt" (really?) space probe that was destined for Mars is a mission failure and got no further than the ceiling of an average Swallow. A European one.

This very same week, NASA (all together now, USA! USA! USA!) have been making the final preparations for their 'Mars Science Laboratory' which i must say, looks and sounds AWESOME.

It even looks Gangsta in the press images:

"Who then now, Bitches?!"

Now i'm not gonna bore you with specs and techno babble but what i will say is that amongst its awesome features, this thing comes with a laser beam for vaporising material SEVEN METRES AWAY. Yes, thats right, a fucking laser beam! AND! What i think is the coolest thing is that the MSL will land on Mars via a 'sky crane'. For those of you that don't know what this is, the closest way i can describe it to you (or rather, the way i want to think of it) is like a Pelican dropping a Warthog into a battlezone:

"Oh and make sure you take some soil samples and do some 

science shit BEFORE you start shooting the place up!"

Of course the fact of the matter is that there's more chance of finding life on mars than there is of Simon Cowell finding some clothes that fit him correctly. Think of it this way, if marauding robotic contraptions came from another planet and started patrolling the streets, taking samples of dog shit and photographing the floor, would you be out in public seeing if you can get in one of the shots? Hell no.

Now, don't get me wrong, i'm not one of those ignorant fuckers who thinks that Humans are the only intelligent race in the Universe, i'm sure you'll agree ability and thought are two different things entirely. There's fucking things living between our toes that have more intelligence. I'm just saying that Captain Zorg won't hang around for a photo opportunity. 

There is of course the mystery of the British led Beagle 2 mission to mars, which having successfully ejected from its carrier ship, the Mars Express, then vanished without contact. Wouldn't it be cool if it came back complete with a tan and a jar of Martian humbugs?

Morgan.